


The Three Laws of Robotics (and of good people)

by Schizocheater



Series: MARVEL [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schizocheater/pseuds/Schizocheater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Pinocchio doesn't want to become a real boy, it's his choice.</p><p>Or the one in which Bucky thinks he's a robot and Steve needs Tony's help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Three Laws of Robotics (and of good people)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Три Закона роботехники (и хороших людей)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6423580) by [Chif](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chif/pseuds/Chif). 



 

_"It is said that the more flaws you have, the more human you are._

_Have I told you how very human you are?"_

_© Almost Human_

 

So it turns out Tony Stark has no understanding of who the real Bucky Barnes was, because all the little knowledge he has comes from old comic books. Howard rarely spoke about the Commandos while telling stories about the war against the nazis and the best friend of Captain America was mentioned even less

But something was telling Tony that in the forties this guy behaved in an entirely different manner. 

"He thinks he's a robot." Says Natasha, interrupting his thoughts. 

"Well...That could be an option." Agreed Tony.

Bucky Barnes was standing by the door, perfect posture and blank, emotionless face. Tony wanted to crack a joke about the old man not having any wrinkles because of his  permanent pokerface.

The only thing stopping him was self-preservation and Steve's bad mood. 

"How the hell am I supposed to help?" Asked Tony after a rather long and not particularly comfortable silence. "If Pinocchio doesn't want to become a real boy, it's his choice."

"Your robots are more human than some people we know."

"Yup." Tony had to agree with that one. "And some of them even tried to destroy the planet." He also had to remind them of that fiasco. "You really think that I should take him in - in Pepper's words - as new equipment?"

Steve and Natasha looked at each other.

"Tony." Steve began. "You're our only hope."

"I'm flattered, but in this case even a Star Wars reference won't save your ass. I'm an engineer, not a psychologist. I fix tech, not people. Don't you get it?"

"We do." Natasha glanced at Steve, making him shut up mid-sentence. "Could you at least look after him for a few hours?"

"Can I?" That was more of a question than a confident answer.

But that was all Natasha was waiting for — she shoved Cap out the door and in a minute's time they both disappeared, leaving Tony with his new project.

He looked at Barnes, who was standing too-still for a human being. 

"So..How am I supposed to call you? Barnes? Bucky? James?"

"My previous handlers referred to me as Asset." Came the cold answer.

Well, shit. Based on Steve's stories Tony was hoping for at least some kind of connection, but this..man sure wasn't the person who once fought HYDRA. They succeeded in destroying him completely. 

"I'm not a handler." Says Tony. "Right, J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"I have to agree, sir. You have many talents, but being able to coordinate one's work and keeping it organized is not one of them."

Barnes reacted to the sudden voice from the ceiling as any other robot would.

He didn't.

"J.A.R.V.I.S. is Artificial Intelligence." Tony felt the need to explain things properly. "I made him. You understand what that means?"

"You created him. The Asset was created too." 

"Nope." Stark shook his head. "There's a huge difference between the two of you. I hope one day you'll get what I'm talking about."

Sadly, there's no handbook on  _How to tell a person that he wasn't created but simply broken?_

Barnes' eyes were so empty he really did look like a machine.

A robot, right?

"Are you familiar with The Three Laws of Robotics? You have to obey these laws without questioning them."

Barnes straightened his back even more.

"No, sir."

"J.A.R.V.I.S., give the young man a brief introduction, will you?"

Tony was silently observing while J.A.R.V.I.S. spoke about Asimov's laws. He was waiting for some kind of reaction on the soldier's face. By the time the book was published, Bucky Barnes was already fighting as part of the 107th, but he may have read it on the front.

"What's the punishment in case of disobedience?" Barnes asked once J.A.R.V.I.S. stopped talking.

Tony shrugged nonchalantly.

"Faulty equipment gets utilized. But that does not apply to you."

Barnes was silent for some time, contemplating. 

"Why?"

Because  _people_  normally  _go to prison._

"Because you wasn't aware of the laws. Your creators should've taught you about them, like I did with J.A.R.V.I.S. and the others. Gotta admit, Dum-E sometimes completely ignores the Second Law, but that's cause he loves using the fire extinguisher too much. I made him back in uni, so we have to excuse him for that. In other words.." Tony looked Barnes in the eyes. "From now on you don't have an excuse. You live by the laws or you get utilized. Got it?"

"Yes."

This time he also gets a slight nod as a confirmation. 

"Good boy." Tony was glad they reached some kind of progress. "Now make yourself useful."

"Sir?"

For the first time since getting here, Barnes looked almost surprised. Good sign.

"J.A.R.V.I.S. will tell you everything. He's the boss here." Tony waved him off without pointing in any particular direction. 

He understood that leaving Barnes unsupervised was stupid and that Steve most likely won't appreciate the gesture, but the term 'look after' was wide enough to fit into what Tony was doing now: leaving Barnes with a perfectly functional AI and checking up on them from time to time. 

That's how Tony ended up elbow-deep in charts and statistics concerning the alternating success of Stark Industries for the last month. Elbow-deep also meant zoned out for several hours, apparently. 

Tony cursed under his breath looking out the window and then at the clock, it was pitch black outside already. 

"J.A.R.V.I.S., was our guest well-behaved?"

"I took the liberty of showing him the workshop and the other robots." Answered the AI. "Right now the Asset is dealing with the aftermath of your last.. experiment, sir. And I must admit, he's forty percents more efficient than the others."

"First I must congratulate, you'd be a great slave holder. But _Asset?_ Really, J.?"

"Sir, I'm afraid he's not ready for Mr Barnes, both emotionally and psychologically."

"You're the boss." Tony left the table, stretching on his way down to the workshop, feeling every muscle in his back.

J.A.R.V.I.S. was right. Unlike the three not so intelligent bots, Barnes was a perfect tool when it came to collecting heavy things and taking out the trash.

But as soon as he caught a glimpse of Tony, he stood up, back painfully straight, and was ready to comply.

"Sir?"

"Good job." Tony gave him an approving nod. "You helped us all very much."

Barnes' eyes widened in surprise the tiniest bit. Who would've guessed HYDRA wasn't a big fan of positive motivation?

"Let's go upstairs. Steve's gonna be back soon."

Barnes looked at the robotic trio and took a few steps forward, his expression changing to one Tony was all too well familiar with. He looked like a trapped animal, and it made Stark change his mind.

He understood that feeling.

"Or you can stay if you want to."

Barnes stopped, not quite sure if he could believe Tony's words. 

"I can?"

"Yes." Tony nodded. "You liked it here, didn't you?"

Barnes tilted his head to the side, trying to understand the question.

"Liked?"

"Yes." It made Tony flinch. "Liked means you don't want to leave the place you are at. And if you had to leave anyway, you want to come back as soon as possible. It works with places, food, movies, books. Even people. When you like something, you want to keep it for the rest of your life."

Barnes remained silent, taking in all the new information. That blank expression soon reappeared on his face.

"The Asset wants to be useful. The Asset does not have feelings or emotions, it does not get attached. The mission is the only thing that matters. The Asset is useful when it has a mission."

"Fine." Tony agreed with a sigh. "You're staying."

***

Tony greeted Natasha and Steve alone. 

"Where's Bucky?"

Tony was looking at them attentively. Steve was nervous, kept looking around as if waiting for Barnes to step out of the shadows; Natasha was as calm as always, clearly being the leader of the 'Let's dump HYDRA's most deadly assassin on Stark' operation. 

"I'll try." He says finally. "But I can't promise anything. Seriously. If his state doesn't change or changes to the worst, I'm not taking any responsibility. If you're leaving him in the Tower, you'll answer for everything that may happen. Got it?"

Natasha and Steve looked at each other, obviously pleased with their success.

"Thank you." Says Steve and it's the first time Tony really does want to punch him in his perfect teeth. 

***

After making sure that Natasha and Steve left for good, Tony went back to the workshop only to find out that Barnes decided to have a nap right on the floor beside the charging station, where the other bots were 'sleeping' too.

"Good thing he didn't stick his finger into a socket." Tony rubbed his temples, a headache creeping around in his skull.

"The Asset told me he has a built-in power source that does not require additional charging." J.A.R.V.I.S. lowered his voice. 

"Please tell me you did not give him that idea."

"Not at all, sir." If J.A.R.V.I.S. had eyes, he would've rolled them. "We simply discussed how should he be used and served."

Tony let out a shaky breath because never in his life - which almost entirely consisted of embarrassing moments and poorly made choices - did he expect to hear things like this about  _Bucky Barnes._

"J.A.R.V.I.S." He called.

"Yes, sir?"

"For the mother of all circuit boards, do not ever use this expression again."

"As you wish, sir."

Tony had no idea when the sophisticated English humor that he worked so hard on teaching J.A.R.V.I.S. turned into good old American trolling. 

He sighed, getting the pillow and plaid from the nearby couch and sitting down beside the still asleep Barnes. There was no way he could slip the pillow under his head without waking him up. Barnes curled up on himself, clutching the warm fabric in his fists. Tony felt the sting of sympathy and pity again, so he stood up quickly, leaving the pillow on the floor. 

He wasn't planning on getting attached to Barnes. And these feelings - compassion, sympathy, guilt - sooner or later they all will lead to things he'd regret anyway. 

So he did what he thought was right. Got as far away from Barnes as possible. 

***

Tony yawned, reaching for the coffee that was supposed to be on the nightstand, but instead of the mug he stuck his fingers into something cold. Turned out it was mayo, and he ruined an almost perfectly made sandwich. He definitely did not put that white plate on he nightstand.

"J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"Sir?" Came the answer.

"Do not pretend like you had nothing to do with this." There was a slight warning in his tone.

J.A.R.V.I.S. made that too-human humming sound that was saved in his system for those special moments when the AI thought Tony was behaving like an idiot. 

"We came to an agreement according to which taking care of your well-being counts as an active mission." Informed the voice. 

"Look how well the two of you are getting along." The realization slowly sank in. "So now he'll feed me with-" He took a closer look at the sandwich. "chicken sandwiches?"

"Not at all." J.A.R.V.I.S. was a bit too good at playing it cool. "Right now he's reading various websites with recipes and cooking tips. And he also binge-watched six episodes of Hell's Kitchen, so I think it's safe to assume your menu will get much wider."

"And his lexicon too." Grumbled Tony. "Good ol' Ramsey will take care of that."

"If you wish, I can censor some particularly nasty sentences." Suggested J.A.R.V.I.S.

Tony shook it off.

"I'm not Cap, my friend. I'm always up for a particularly nasty sentence."

"How could I forget that?"

***

Half-asleep, Tony felt someone picking him up and carrying him somewhere. It felt so nice and right that for a few long moments he felt completely safe.

But then Tony remembered.

His whole body jerked in a vain attempt to break free. 

Barnes just shifted his hands slightly, his grip tightening.

"What the hell?" Tony asked, all resistance forgotten.

"You fell asleep." Said Barnes as if it explained everything.

"So?"

"Sleeping in such position is bad for your back, sir." J.A.R.V.I.S. was right there to help his partner in crime. "That's why we took the liberty to—"

"Stop." Interrupted Tony. "I have the right to sleep where I want and to do it exactly how _I_ want it. So let me go immediately and never do such a thing again."

But his command was ignored. Barnes kept walking towards the master bedroom.

"Did you hear what I said, Asset?"

"The Second Law says—" Starts Barnes with calm confidence. "That a robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law."

"So?"

"My inaction would've done you harm." Said Barnes. "Sleeping in that position was bad for your back, _sir._ "

Tony blinked, trying to contemplate everything that happened. Coughed, fighting off the urge to laugh.

"Unbelievable." He let out a tired sigh.

J.A.R.V.I.S. opened the door and Barnes laid Tony down on the bed very, very carefully.

"You can have your own room, you know." Barnes turned his back on him. "Have a bed, a pillow, warm covers. Everything a person would need."

"My looks tricked you, sir." Answered Barnes without looking at him. "I am not human."

***

Tony flicked the lights on, ready to question J.A.R.V.I.S. for ignoring his duties, but soon noticed Barnes who was sitting on the floor. He was shaking, both hands clenching his hair and looked like someone in the middle of a panic attack.

"You are safe." Tony's voice was firm, but he did not risk getting any closer. The last thing he wanted was to get his skull bashed in by a super-soldier.

Barnes looked up, his body shivering, and looked down at the floor again.

"J.A.R.V.I.S. is here." He continues. "And Dum-E, You and Butterfingers. These three, as you already know, are completely useless, and we would've donated them to the nearest college, but we love them too much. We are all here and we will not let anything happen to you. I promise."

Barnes breathed in slowly, then out, a tiny bit calmer this time.

"Not remembering is better." His voice was hoarse.

"But memories make us who we are."

"In my memories there's only blood and pain."

Tony swallowed the lump in his throat, afraid of scaring Barnes away. It was the first time he did not refer to himself in third person. 

"The worst stuff is the hardest to forget." He said. "There was this one time when I flew into a wormhole for two minutes tops... Couldn't get back to normal life for months."

Barnes frowned, looking up at him.

"I don't remember anything good." He admitted.

"You will." Said Tony. "I mean, I can't guarantee anything, but I looked through your file. And based on the data we have, it's safe to say that your brain is recovering at top speed, given that you're a super-soldier. They desperately wanted to destroy you, but they failed."

"They created me."

"No. Even HYDRA couldn't do that."

"They made me who I am while trying to destroy me?"

"Yes, but I will help you deal with that." Tony promised. 

***

Barnes closed the door without a word and Steve got that lost puppy expression on his face again. 

"Sorry." Sighed Tony. "I'm sure he didn't mean to offend you. He had it pretty rough yesterday."

Steve nodded, not really listening.

"Tell me."

If things kept escalating at this speed, he soon will be getting his eighth doctorate, in psychology this time. He even came up with a title for his thesis:  _How to help someone get their life back together while having no exact idea what the fuck are you doing._

"We first met when I was twelve." Steve smiled, taking a trip down memory lane."In an alley not far from the NYC Transit Museum. I didn't let some punks steal a first grader's lunch money, so they decided to beat me up. Bucky was the first person who stood up for me..ever. We went back to his house, just so my mom wouldn't find out and his mom gave us a talk about how getting into fights was bad, but took care of my cuts and broken nose anyway."

"So that's how you became buddies for life?"

"For some reason Bucky decided that he had to look after me. Everyone was saying that he only kept me around to look cooler compared to me, but that wasn't true. He even tried to take care of my non-existent love life."

"Well if that's true, Natasha will have a partner in crime once Barnes returns to being himself again."

Steve looked absolutely horrified.

"Go on." Tony waved him off.

"And then the war started..."

***

When Tony opened his eyes he found himself on the couch in his workshop, lights off and plaid tucked around him. He was a blanket hog, always pulling up the covers to his head, leaving his legs out in the cold. But this cocoon beat all his warm and fuzzy masterpieces, and he was sure Barnes had something to do with it.

He jerked once, trying to untangle himself without any success, then glanced towards the charging station to ask for help. To his utmost surprise, Barnes wasn't there. 

"J.A.R.V.I.S." He called. "Did you manage to lose your minion?"

"No need to worry. He'll be right back."

Barnes came back, closing the door and kept moving without a sound. He had a mug and a plate in his hands.

"Busted!" Tony ordered J.A.R.V.I.S. to turn the lights up.

Barnes stopped so abruptly it looked like he hit an invisible wall. 

Tony was sure that in six months - a year tops! - Barnes will know what a facepalm is. 

"You need some sleep." He said. "You have been working for forty eight hours."

"I promise to get back to it as soon as you help me get out of this. Seriously, is blanket burrito a special skill of yours?"

"This way your lover can't sneak out while you're making breakfast."

"Looks like you're prepared for everything." Barnes nodded.

Tony froze.

Barnes didn't move either, eyes wide with surprise.

"Remembered something nice?" Asked Tony carefully.

"I did?" 

"Good." Tony tried to cheer him up with a smile. "That's good."

"Yes." Barnes nodded. 

He still looked like someone hit him on the head with something extremely heavy, but any expression was better than no expression at all. Better than the cold emotionless stares he was giving everyone on his first two weeks in the Tower. 

"Now set me free." He asked.

Bucky left the mug and plate on the table, crossed the room and sat down in front of the couch, his face suddenly a bit too close. 

"Asset?"

"Jim." Came the quiet plea. "I remembered a little girl, she used to call me Jim. She had dark braided hair and big blue eyes..I don't know who she was, but she made me feel- I felt happy when I remembered her."

"Jim." Repeated Tony, liking the sound of it. In Tony's opinion 'Bucky' was a fitting name for a dog, not for a man like Barnes. "Okay, I'll call you that."

***

Weeks passed and they fell into a comfortable routine. It seemed like all the evil masterminds decided to go on a collective vacation, so all the big and small cities could catch a break and repair the previous damage.

And with each day Jim felt a little better. Sometimes the changes were so subtle it took time to notice them, but Tony considered each tiny revelation a great victory. 

For example, Jim started calling him by his name. 

***

"I must protect you. I have to leave."

Jim stood up abruptly, the legs of his chair scraping the floor, and he looked like someone who's not planning on coming back.

Tony caught his hand, stopping him.

"You're overreacting." He said.

"You heard Stevie! Pierce managed to escape." Jim waved at the screen, Steve's not too confident looking face in the middle of a video call.

"So what? Prisons are shit, people break out all the time. That does not mean he'll be able to get in here." 

"We're already looking for him." Said Steve from the screen with a smile so wide Tony got concerned whether Cap's face will split in half. "We contacted Fury and Coulson, they're on it too. We will find him."

"I must leave." Jim was one stubborn bastard. 

"No. With your stupid luck you'll run into him right around the corner."

"Why's that?" He actually sounded offended.

"May I remind you of the time when a bunch of crazy scientists found you in the middle of the icy nowhere and dug your ass out of the snow just so they could experiment on you?"

"That's not a valid point."

"It's better for you to stay in the Tower." Said Steve, shining brighter than a Christmas tree. "Even if Pierce gets close to the Tower, it has the most advanced security system. You can't possibly think they're able to hack J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"Thank you, Captain. I am flattered."

"Just telling the truth." Steve actually blushed. "I-"

"Don't get distracted, Steve!" Jim looked irritated. "I don't want to risk Tony's safety."

"I'm sure he can take care of himself just fine." Steve looked at Tony, flashing another shit eating grin. He looked exactly like the poster-boy from the forties, telling everyone to enlist immediately. And Tony started to understand why people were willing to follow him, because...

Oh.

Tony forgot to tell Steve that his friend's scrambled brain was starting to function normally again. 

"You are staying." He said. "Dare trying to sneak out and Dum-E will hit you with a stun gun."

"You gave Dum-E a TASER?" Jim shot him a terrified look.

"Yeah.." Tony shrugged. "Yesterday was a long day."

***

Jim scowled and looked down at his pants as if there was an enemy of state hiding in there. Well, in a way there was. Not even jeans could hide the fact how fast and hard his super-soldier serum enhanced body reacted. 

"That's a pretty normal reaction for someone who walked in on me in the shower." Assured him Tony, fighting the urge to give him a whole different kind of  _comfort._  

"You..yelped." Pushed Jim. 

He didn't have enough decency to actually tare his gaze away. Tony felt those eyes eating him alive; he also felt his own body getting interested and couldn't shake off the image of what Steve will do to him once he finds out what kind of thoughts Tony is having about his best friend. Who said sex can't cure a robot?

"I slipped." Said Tony, licking his dry lips.

"Glad you're fine." Jim swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. "Sorry?"

"No hard feelings."

"U-huh." 

Jim nodded again before sneaking another peak, as if trying to remember the view forever. He then turned on his heel and left in a hurry.

Tony pressed his forehead against the cool wall.

This whole situation.

Was spinning out of control.

***

Two weeks after Pierce's escape they realized that no-one was planning on getting into the Tower. Why would HYDRA do that if they had a perfect method of driving cars off the road? Tony's last thought before hitting the ground was that Happy was a lucky bastard for not being in the car that day like he was supposed to. 

***

He came to in a dark room that looked like every cellar of death in every cheap horror movie. 

"You bad guys are so stereotypical." He let out an exasperated sigh.

"Stereotypes survive through ages." Said Pierce stepping out of the shadows. "People get uncomfortable and scared. Good way to start our work."

"Had fun in prison?"

"I prefer freedom, Mr Stark." Pierce nodded someone behind Tony's back. "Wait a few minutes while we prepare the equipment."

"Oh, I'm not in a rush." Tony replied politely, looking around and trying to twist his hands out of the ropes.

He was ready for everything — from mind-wiping chairs, experimental serums and dirty pliers  to an iron maiden, but all he got was an iPhone on a tripod. 

"I'm officially offended." Admitted Tony.

"I'm sure you'll survive this one." Pierce gave him a pat on the shoulder.

***

"You really think Steve will trade me for Bucky?" Tony raised an eyebrow and his lips stretched in a smug grin. "I know there was no Wi-Fi in prison, but I'm sure Steve's attempts to help his long lost friend made it to the news."

"The friend whom he ditched on you as if he were a broken toaster?" If Pierce had some kind of feelings aside from logic and cold prudence, he may have understood the situation better. But Pierce was an asshole. "Even our dear Captain can see the difference between a valuable teammate and faulty equipment."

"You should've read at least the public records about Cap. Would've found some pretty interesting stuff in there."

"Sarcastic as always." Pierce rolled his eyes. "But Captain Rogers already contacted us and agreed to our terms."

"What?" Tony could not move.

Steve wouldn't do that.

Bring Jim back here?

To HYDRA?

No way!

"I take it you had some serious misconceptions about the Captain, Mr Stark. The whole world has."

Tony gritted his teeth and averted his gaze.

Maybe.

Or maybe Steve really was  _a man with a plan._  

***

The Jim who followed Pierce into the room wasn't the man Tony had seen the day before. His face was emotionless again, totally blank.  He looked at Tony, his eyes not expressing a thing.

Pierce was followed by a robot, HYDRA's Asset, who was ready to comply without any questions, and the realization made Tony sick. 

"I though this was going to be an exchange." He said.

"I don't have any intention to give you back." Replied Pierce. "I just wanted to get back what's mine. If it makes any difference, I'll admit, Rogers will most likely survive the encounter."

"Glad to hear that."

"You, on the other hand." Pierce continued nonchalantly. "You refused to cooperate and I don't have anything to offer. Returning Iron Man to the Avengers would be stupid, but letting go Tony Stark is even a bigger mistake. I will not give them that much of an advantage, you're the one who's been keeping them together all this time."

"This won't change anything." Said Tony. "They'll find you and drag your ass back to prison."

"You don't know your true value, Mr Stark. Asset, this is an order. Kill Anthony Edward Stark." 

Tony swallowed hard.

Jim pointed his gun at Tony, but the man wasn't thinking about certain death; he hoped Jim will never remember this moment.

He refused to think about how heavy Jim's  _burden_ will become.

"The Second Law of Robotics says." Jim started quietly, looking him in the eyes. "That a robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. The First Law says that a robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm." 

His lips twitched in a hint of a smile, making Tony's head spin. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" Pierce looked lost.

Jim lifted Pierce with his metal arm, propping the gun against his chin, safety lock clicking menacingly. 

"According to the theory, if an individual obeys the Three Laws he may be a robot or simply _a very good man_." He said, something strange in his tone. "Unfortunately, I'm neither of them."

He smashed Pierce into the closest wall, the man falling to the ground, dead. 

"Tony!"

"I'm too old." Said Tony while Jim was getting him out of the ropes. "You and Rogers could've given me a heart attack! I can't just-"

Jim yanked him forward, steadying him on the ground and hugging him close. He kissed him, tracing those still parted lips with his tongue, keeping one hand on the back on Tony's neck.

Tony's eyes widened in surprise. He moaned something incoherent, not wanting to break the kiss, his fists clenching Jim's jacket. 

Someone cleared his throat behind Jim's back.

"Good to see you managed to complete your childhood quest and rescued the princess from the dragon's cave." Steve couldn't bother them less. "We've caught everyone and the quinjet is waiting- Buck, I'm serious."

"Stevie." Jim sighed, looking at Tony with a content smile. "You're being the third wheel here."

"Get a room you two! Come on, we all wanna go home."

Jim kissed Tony. And again. And again.

Tony's hands stroked that strong back, keeping him close, a satisfied little moan leaving his throat when Jim's palm got under the collar of his shirt.

"What's taking you so-" Natasha stopped mid-sentence.

"Yup." Steve nodded.

"Didn't see this coming." She admitted.

"Me neither, but what difference does it make?" Steve couldn't hide how happy he was. "Just have to lure them out of here somehow."

"Well." Natasha smirked. "You're Captain America. Just pick 'em up and let's go."

Tony flipped them off in response.

***

"J.A.R.V.I.S.?" Called Tony. "Where did Jim go?"

"Mr Barnes is in the workshop." Came the answer. "Old habits die hard."

"What do you mean?"

"Mr Barnes is dealing with the aftermath of your last.. experiment. Allow me to pоint out that he's using some of Mr Ramsey's particularly nasty sentences in the process."

Sarcasm spread in the Tower faster than an airborne disease.

"Tell him I have a more interesting mission." Asked Tony. "And that I'm waiting for him in bed."

"He's already on his way." There was a hint of approval in the AI's voice.

In some weird sense, Steve was right. Tony did know how to make a machine human.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a Beta and English is not my first language, so i apologise if any of the mistakes made your eyes bleed ❤


End file.
